Mum

Yesterday evening went to see mum in KK, then she told me that Dr said might not op her because they dont know how bad is the adhersion of the small intestines. Mum looked upset and I was upset too however I do not want her to feel worst so I pretended to be very positive. Actually our mentality are after the TPN, once she is fit she will go for the op and hopefully she dont always feel bloated, stomache, nausea and vomiting every 2-3 days. However what Dr suggested to her yesterday was if the adhersion is bad there will be more complications after op so she should go home and "try to eat" if she can. Which personally I feel it's very impossible. The past months she has been suffering from nausea, vomitting, stomache for every alternate days and how can they expect her to "try to eat" after discharge. It's kind of like a "no hope" solution for us.
I am still hopeful though, I told her Dr said "may not op" but they may decide to op much later because they have to discuss with the specialist. I went home to pray, I prayed to Buddha and hope that they will do something for mum. Mum even said "I dont mind them to cut me open then if they found something bad then they abort the procedure and stitch it back". I agree with her. WE never know how bad is the adhersion so why dont we give it a try.
The whole night I have been thinking about it and my tears just rolled non stop. I thought of those days when I was young with mum. I remembered very clearly that mum has very high expectations on me. She wanted me to keep long hair, wear nice dresses, learn to play organ, learn to sing and dance, she wanted me to look good at all times which I really hate. I hate to doll up and I hate to wear dress. I have no say so I have to do what she wants me to do and sometimes it really irritates me. There were many things that I felt I was being "force" to do and I really dislike it till sometimes I just dont feel like talking to her and found her very unreasonable. Apparently, it was one thing that changes my opinion towards mum and that was a dream. I remember this dream very clearly until today. I dreamt that there was one very huge human giant who appeared somewhere near our neighbourhood country and this huge giant will soon be coming to our town. He catches every single child to torture and kill everyone of them. One of the scene was mum and I suddenly saw everyone running towards us and shouted "HE IS HERE!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!" then the next moment, we saw the huge giant! Mum carried me and run.... she fell and she carried me up again and she continued to run and she told me that "if unfortunately mum lost you or mum being kill by the giant, you must run for your life ok, dont turn back!"...
From that day onwards, I do whatever mum wants me to do because I know that she will only protect me from harm. Time really flies but I am glad that I have spent a lot of time with my parents. I have a great childhood, I have fond memories with them.
This morning my eyes swells a little. Nathan said "EH now both your eyes got triple eyelids leh!" I told her "Yeah, coz whole night I been thinking about my mum so I cant sleep". She asked me what happened and I teared. I told her about what happened and she cried with me hahahaha..... Nathan, thanks for sharing my sadness.
Late morning, I called mum, she told me Dr had a discussion yesterday evening and this morning decided to do op for her on the 19th. I thank Buddha! Thanks for giving us hope again!