Today

This morning went for check up and Joshua is already weigh 1.5kg! Dr commented that Joshua was very active, difficult to scan him. Silly hubby cannot even figure out where is his head, legs and spine haha... then I asked Dr is it good or bad to be active? Dr said "Of course good, means he is healthy"... I see... dont know mah, must ask. I told Dr I wanted caesarean and luckily he didnt object but he advised not to also haha... anyway, I have my rights ;)
After appointment, Silly hubby insisted to go Vivo to have lunch instead of settle it in hospital. He dont like the food there but then I was afraid that I will be late for work then someone will start scolding......... anyway, we still ended up in Vivo. We had our favourite Carl's Junior.

SOOooo nice... I finished the whole set!

Work was terrible. It was not busy but that someone scolded me the moment she saw me. She said "Yesterday you were on pm, you dont know how to ask people to go rest day today??? SO many staff this morning!!!!!!!!" I told her you ask people to off today then on their actual rest day they still got to work so isnt it the same? That particular day will also have a lot of staff what? What is she talking? If ask staff to take leave and they doesnt want, I also cant force people to take right? Somemore so last minute... I mean, dont scold for the sake of scolding or because you wanted to vent on someone lah, also got to make sense mah, what is this??!?!?!
After a while, we went to learn how to use the new cannula, my colleague explained to me how it works because I was blocked by many people who stood in front of me then she shouted at me in front of everyone in the room "FJY, you faster do and go out, dont stand there talk talk talk!!!!"
I was SO VERY pissed off and I shouted back "She is telling me how to do it we are not talking!" She was unhappy that I talked back and she fired me "You dont know you ask the trainer not to ask her!"
@$#@%$##^&%$*$&*&
What have I done wrong? I was so pissed that I could not even control my tears. I find that this role is really a "nuisance"! Am I there to learn or am I there to manage beds, get scoldings, please people or what am I doing there???
I always try to learn, try to work to her standard. Of course I am still in the learning stage and not everything is perfect and if I did not do a good job I dont mind scoldings but I always get those nonsense, unreasonable treatment and all I can do is to "tolerate", "bear" with it and take it as "she is trying to teach me". Is that what she is trying to do? Is this a kind of teaching? She needs help I help, she dont want to give training leave wants me to take own leave I took. Wants me to cancel leave I cancelled. I have not taken any MC for almost 8 years, not even now at this pregnancy stage. I dont think I deserve that kind of treatment, I am also a human. How much patience do you think I have? How much do you think I can take and tolerate?
I feel since I took up this role, I have only learnt to see this particular person. I feel like a "dog" more than anything else. Only learn how to please the "trainers". I have no sense of satisfaction at all. Unlike working in the ICU, sometimes you get to save a life you feel happy, sometimes even you set in a plug you feel happy. Ever since I took up this role, the time when I feel happy is when I dont get unnecessary scoldings and when the "trainer" is in good mood. Is making her happy, making her please consider a satisfaction at work?
I can only say today I have reached my limit. Last time no matter what she scolded me I never cry but today I really cannot take it. Maybe because now I am a little more emotional than last time but I really feel I am being treated like "a piece of shit". People out there please stop telling me "No lah she is like that, she is trying to teach you... dont bother, she is like that just take it as she is making you learn from the hard way... it's ok, she also scolded me when I just started doing this role, she wants you to learn."
SORRY LOR, I no longer take these sentences already because like I said I have reached the LIMIT. Those sentences are craps!
Luckily I am not depressed (because I am trained to be quite thick skin), just feel very unfair being treated like that and I am seriously considering for another role but that will be after my maternity leave. I had enough.